Good nights meal.... Meatloaf and chicken and dumplings,

Tonight I wanted a good down home southern cooked meal! So into the kitchen I went! I wanted meatloaf and chicken and dumplings. I knew that the meatloaf would take the longest. Now disclaimer..... 

I Am not a cook nor do I act like one or even think people want to eat my food ha! 

But it's always nice to have some food ideas for when we get into food ruts. 

Meatloaf:

I start off by preheating the over to 350. 

I then chop up one whole onion and set it aside. (I like onion so feel free to use how much your comfortable with.) 

Next I put meat in a bowl.

(I get a small lean meat log from Walmart cost about 4 bucks. )

Add 1 egg

Add 1 cup milk

Add 1 to 2 cups crushed crackers depending on if you want you loaf a little dry or a little wet.

1/2 cup ketchup 

Salt and pepper. And I add seasoning salt because I love it! Mix all ingredients together until blender thoroughly. Put into loaf pan or casserole dish whatever you have handy and put in oven for about 50 mins.

I don't put my ketchup on top until the very end. After 50 mins take out of the oven and put ketchup on top. Put back in for 10 more minutes. And wha la meatloaf should be done but always check with a meat thermometer to be on the safe side if you like.

Next up stove top chicken and dumplings: 

First I boil 2 whole organic chicken breast. It doesn't take very long at all. I always add a pinch of salt to the water. When thats done I shred the chicken (I put that in my handy dandy mixer and let it do the job) 

I then pour half the water out but keep enough to cover the bottom of the pot. I then 

Add 1 can chicken broth

1 can cream of chicken 

2 cans cream of mushroom (it's my fav)

1can green beans because my granny did.

1 can mushrooms (sometimes because my husband doesn't really like them)

Then add the shredded chicken.

I let that cook together for about 20 mins stirring occasionally.

After the 20 mins I add the biscuits. I just use a can of grand biscuits. I know shameful. I cut one biscuit into 4 equal squares and drop them in one at a time. After all biscuits have been dropped I let them cook for 15 mins stirring occasionally.  It's stupid simple.

Meatloaf got a tad browner on the bottom than usual but I kinda like it like that. Lol.

Easy chicken and dumplings. 

A nice meal of comfort foods that cured my pregnancy cravings. And I have dumplings left over for me and Jack to eat again. 

Like I said I just enjoy cooking now weather I'm good at it is up for debate but my family eats it with no complaints so that's all that matters right lol!!!! 

Hope you enjoy and feel free to share your favorite recipes. 

Until we meet again-ASH 

Memphis turned one!!!

My sweet little doll face turned one! Holy crap lol! I had so much fun planning her birthday with it being so close to Halloween. We decided to go with a pumpkin patch/ trick or treat party. We had all her little friends dress up and we had a blast. I think she really enjoyed her first birthday and her cake! 

Here's a little bit about our girl from her first year of living. 

Memphis:

Nickname is flash. I'm 

Or ma'am grabby hands.

Loves Anything pumpkin.

Hates shoes.

Has a high pitched Mariah Carey scream she loves to do mostly at the most inappropriate times.

Loves to be in the water more than anything else.

Likes to scream "ack ack ack ack ack ack ack" at her brother when he's sleeping in the car then when he wakes up she laughs. 

Loves to dance.

Likes to pull her daddys beard when he wont give her Cheetos.

Likes to pull her daddy's chest hair when he puts her to sleep just to remind him who's boss. 

Has never slept past 9 in her whole year of living. 

Really enjoys having her picture taken. 

Likes to sit on her brothers toys when he makes her mad. 

Loves to cuddle with her momma when Jack isn't around, she can't let him know she's a softy.

Jack likes to call her his "m&m girl because those are his favorite and so is she."

She sometimes falls over on her back and immediately becomes a turtle and forgets how to move. 

Prefers her Papa and pop pop over everyone. 

Can play a mean instrument using only the back of her hand. 

Hates her car seat.

Eats:

Cheetos like they are the last thing on the planet!

Pumpkin 

Strawberries

Can say: 

Momma 

Dada 

Ack (Jack)

Party:

We spent allllooottttt of money of Jacks first birthday from the smash cake to the decorations and all that jazz. What I realized in the end was that was such a waste. We could have set that money aside and bought Jack the things he really needed. So this time around I wanted Memphis to have the best birthday but not spend a ton like we did before. We where able to get her the things we felt like she really needed and still made out with an incredibly fun birthday! Me and my mom ended up making her a pumpkin cake! It was delicious! I also hit up my favorite store for decorations.... The dollar tree. I spent about 30 bucks all together and all the sweet babes got their own  pumpkins to decorate and take home. Plus we got lots of great decor that we can use again for next year. Not to mention we got Skelton hand salad tongs that are in my kitchen for year round use lol.

Me and my mom made Memphis cake and it did not disappoint! It was delicious. 

•we used a bunt cake pan and cooked two yellow cakes.

•we let them cool and the cut the bottom half of the cake in half so they would lay even.

•we then put a layer of icing in the middle.

•we iced the cake with store bought icing even though it wasn't as orange as we hoped.

•I'm not a chocolate fan or like letting my kids eat chocolate so I mixed a little white icing with brown food coloring to make the brown for the stem. 

•then we coated an ice cream cone with the brown icing and wha la!!! 

She was ready!

Memphis pumpkin patch. 

Pumpkin decorating station 

Pumpkin decorating station

She enjoyed that cake

I also skipped out on paying a fortune for her first year pictures and did them myself. I really enjoy the editing process of photo taking as I have mentioned previously before. 

Now I do not fancy myself a photographer. When it comes to our treasured family photos I leave that up to the best (Mikasha clark photography) 

But I do see why they enjoy it as much as they do. The capturing of the moment the editing all that is so much fun to me. I really love it and I hope it comes through in my pictures like it does the professionals :) 

We really did have a blast and I still can't believe my little bug is a year old. She has changed all of our lives and we just adore her and her crazy antics.

Until we meet again-ASH

trying to stay ahead of the curve.

so yesterday I let you in on the secret that we are expecting twins!!!


with twin pregnancy comes a lot more complications than a singleton pregnancy (you learn all these fancy new words with a twin pregnancy like singleton, fraternal, identical,) like pre-eclammpsia, bed rest and even early pregnancy.
to get ahead of the curve and try to make this a healthy pregnancy. well as healthy as it can get with two babies in there. But let's get real all pregnancies are hard. And lots of unexpected things can happen. I'm trying to take care of myself and do what I can to stay ahead of the curve. I know that whatever is meant to happen will but I want to try to take care of my body in the meantime. 

I try to get ahead of the stress...... easier said than done right?
we are in the process of remodeling my dads house and my childhood home.  Even though I am so incredibly excited about this adventure it is incredibly stressful.... we are literally tearing out every single wall, sink, light fixture door knob you name it, its coming out of that house which in turn is nerve racking and stressful. on top of all that my son starts pre-k this week. I've learned to just hand it over to my husband at times and let him help me out. To hand over the control ( which is super hard for me ) to someone else. Ive been letting the babies stay overnight with there Nana. Thats a big one for me as I always like to have my babies with me...ALWAYS. lol. That has also been a big stress reliever. Ive also let go of some of the hurt and grudges I have had and man oh man did that feel good and relive stress I was only causing for myself. once you see those people you have been holding a grudge against   you honestly can't even remember what you where mad about!!!!!

exercise.....
Im actually not allowed to do much exercising but I still try to do what I can! Chasing a 10 month old around helps a lot!!!! she's like a rocket. as soon as she's up of she goes. Other than that I enjoy walking. sometimes when its to hot we walk the mall.... lots of seating for when I get tired and window shopping. also this summer I did lots of swimming. It helped out tons with my hip pain and I got a nice tan as well. win win.

Diet...
Durning all my pregnancies I have never eaten for two.. or well three. Ive always eaten what I usually did before becoming pregnant. So before I became pregnant with twins I had started clean eating and staying away from cokes, sweets, fried foods things of that nature. so 23 weeks pregnant I am still sticking to a pretty much healthy diet plan. This pregnancy I have craved water (thank sweet jesus)
I find it easier to drink more water when its ice cold. So my husband bought me a knock off yeti cup at walmart (aint nobody got time to pay 40 buck for a damn cup) I love it. it keeps my water super cold and I find myself refilling it more and more. Im alo turned off by the smell of fried foods so I have been sticking to lots of roasted veggies like green beans, squash, and broccoli with a little added cheeses. I've also been craving mexican food like a lllll the time, So me and the hubby found a healthy alternative and roast the chicken and veggies in the oven with some fajita seasoning and put them on corn tortillas or add the chicken and veggies to a bed of lettuce and top with a little cilantro dressing from trader joes.   Ive also gotten a roasted chicken that you can shred and eat for a few days adding it to things like quesidillas and salads and even tortilla soup. But I have my vices just like everyone does and occasionally give in ha! But I try not to do it to much and stay as healthy as I can.

rest....
when my husband is home from work I rest. I spend the day sleeping. It really does help tons and helps to keep me somewhat refreshed.

although I have always had very easy pregnancies health wise, with this pregnancy Im being more cautious because I no longer have just one sweet one in there I have two sweet ones. you can never be to cautious!!!

what precautions did you take during pregnancy? any advice?
what are some of your daily health routines even non-pregnant ones?

Im not going to lie I dream of what it will feel like to be back in the gym come febuary!! I already have my kick box class set and ready to go!

until we meet again-ASH

Gender reveal.

Well friends when life hands you lemons.......

April 19th we found our we where expecting again... I couldn't believe. 

My sweet girl had just turned 6 months old. How could I possibly be pregnant again.

I had a doctors visit back in February after skipping two back to back periods. My doctor told me I needed to look into a hormone specialist because it looked like my hormones and body weren't functioning. She tolds us we should brace ourselves because the odds of getting pregnant again in the future where not looking good.

Me and Chris knew we wanted one more so hearing that news was like a blow to the chest. 

As soon as we walked into the lobby I broke down in tears. Not just because we wouldn't be pregnant again but because my body was going through so much and I could tell. 

When March came around I started to feel even worse. My hair was falling out and I had rapidly gained weight even though I wasn't eating unhealthy and had cut out cokes and fast food and had started working out. I knew something just wasn't right. I should have listen to my body. By April I could barely stay awake. I couldn't keep any food down. I felt almost like I was pregnant again. So back to the doctors we went to get my hormones levels checked again.

I had blood work done and some labs ran. When she came back with the lab work she asked me to go straight to ultrasound. By this point I was freaking out. 

Once we got to ultrasound she confirmed I was pregnant again. I was floored. I was so emotional. I was just told I wouldn't be able to get pregnant again without the hormone therapy but here I was looking at our newest addition on the monitor! Everything looked great and they told us to come back in May for another ultrasound.

As the weeks rolled on I could not stay awake. It was like nothing I had ever experienced. I felt like I had narcolepsy. It was so bad that I couldn't drive at night because I would get so sleepy. My body hurt all the time. And the naseaua was overwhelming. I couldn't keep anything down and the thought of food literally made me want to hurl. 

In May we had our second ultrasound. I couldn't wait to see our new baby just because of how sick I was I wanted to make sure the new one was okay. 2 minutes into the ultrasound I saw what appeared to be two sacks. I immediatly thought something was wrong til I looked over at my husband as soon as we locked eyes it hit up both. That was twins!! We asked the ultrasound tech and she said why yes it is twins. I looked back to my husband and we both Just busted out laughing. Uncontrollably for the duration of the ultrasound. I know she had to think we where nuts.

Here we where. We went from being told we weren't going to have another child to being told we where having twins!!!! Twins do not run on either side of our family so you can imagine our suprise (we later found out that was a myth)

Fast foward to August. We found out we will be the proud parents of a baby boy and a baby girl!!!!!

We are excited and overwhelmed. I'm especially nervous to be having another c-section a year after having my last one. I'm nervous about having three a babies so close in age.

But I believe everything happens for a reason. I went from being told I wasn't going to have another baby to having two!!! I'm counting my blessing! I can't wait for this adventure to start. 

       23 weeks!

Until we meet again-ASH

May things.

I feel like I haven't blogged in FOREVER! 

Summer has officially kicked off and started (well for my family anyway). 

We have had birthdays and holidays,tons of swimming and tons of family time.

I turned 30 May,23 

30!!!!!!!! 

I celebrated with my wonderful friends and family. It was a perfect ending to my 20's and beautiful beginning to my 30's.

My son turned 4 on Memorial Day... 4!!! I can't  believe it. 

We spent the day in the pool. Both my kids are water babies. You can't keep them out of the water. 

I feel like all we do now it swim. 

And tonight was summerfest. It's our towns way of kicking off summer. There are tons of fair rides and fireworks to end the night. We look forward to it every year.

We 

I've still tried to stick to my diet staying away from fast food and things fried.

I haven't really felt to good the past two months so I try to stick to things I know won't upset my stomach. 

So much going on! I can't wait to share more with you.

Turning the big 30.

Friends after the "I love the 90's concert. What better way to celebrate turning 30 then reminiscening about the 90's

Memorial Day, birthday boy.

Pool day 

Birthday boy.

Summerfest 

Until we meet again-ASH

Dirty thirty

Yesterday I celebrated my 30th birthday.... 30!!!!!!!!!

I can't belive my 20's are gone.

My 20th birthday started with my celebrating the day with Chris. We where just friends and the time. But they ended with me celebrating with him. I sure do love that man.

He organized a birthday dinner for me Saturday with my family and friends and it was a blast.

Sunday my sister came over and made my favorite dinner.

And my husband took me to my favorite burger joint, Gabbys, on my birthday with my two babies.

In my twenties

I got married.

I had two babies.

I lost a lot of loved ones.

I lost a few friends.

But gained some life long ones.

I held new babies that where prayed so hard for.

I laughed.

I cried.

I danced.

I sang.

So here's to thirty!!!!! I have a feeling this year is going to be an interesting one!

Celebrating the day with my loves.

My amazing husband. 

U til we meet again- ASH

Grief

Grief

It knows no time of day.

It hits whenever it feels like it.

Driving down a certain street

Hearing a certain song

A certain word in a conversation

A bible verse you haven't heard in years.

It's like a flood.

Like being struck by lightning.

Being ran over a truck.

Fast and quick.

It brings you to your knees.

Like wanting to crawl under the covers and never resurface.

I'm having a hard time lately with grief.

My aunt in the past few years has become such a strong presence in my life that not having her a phone call away has felt like hell some days.

She was always the one I called when I need some prayers. 

It's been such an adventurous year so far and it's only May and I can't share those things with her.

That's when the flood hits. The reassurance that's she's no longer there. Gone. 

I feel so selfish because I want her here. 

I need her here.

When I realize she never met Memphis.

Or that Jack will never go and pull out another toy and stroll it across her living room.

That's hard stuff. More so than I ever realized. 

I'm angry because I just don't understand.

I don't understand why I lost my own mother at an early age. 

Why both my grandparents are gone from this earth as well.

Grief.

When Mother's Day rolls around.

When Christmas rolls around.

The look on my dads face when he realizes just how alone he is as well.

Grief. Such an ugly sneaky thing.

Works on its on time. Never when you expect it.

Favorite favorites

Favorites again!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Black and white checkered floor, claw foot rub!!!!!!

We are in the process of remodeling my dads house and I have to have this as the front door!!!! Beautiful!!!

Tacos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New York!!!!!!!!!

My friends are my life 

My babies!!!!!!!!

Vinyl records 

Guilty pleasure 

Even gultier pleasure 

My garden!

Again my amazing beautiful friends 

Old soul 

I need these 

Will have 

I remeber when there was an old video store in donelson and I would alwayssssss rent this movie!!!!!! It has always been a favorite!!!

Sweeney Todd!!!!!!!!!!!

Until we meet again-ASH 

Update on diet

Hello love muffins.... Speaking of muffins that sounds so amazing right now ha!!!!

I haven't updated much on my diet ( I hate calling it that because to me it's a lifestyle change!!!!!) but it's going so wellI'm not even missing things I thought I would. I thought cokes would be so hard but I don't miss them at all. I actually crave cold water more now and if I do have a coke it upsets my belly. I've also tried to cut back on my pasta,bread and..... MEAT intake. Yes meat. I can already tell huge difference in my overall health and in my pants sizes! 

My typical meals lately look like...

Breakfast:

Yogurt 

Yogurt with fruit

Yogurt with cereal (because I am like a fucking child ha)

Strawberry protein smoothie

Egg whites with strawberrys

Egg white omelet with veggies

Lunch:

Sushi bowl (rice,avacado,crabmeat)

Half a sandwhich and baked chips

Veggies

Pita with veggies

Flatbread pizza

Taco salad (no shell)

Dinner:

Baked chicken 

Roasted Brussel sprouts 

Sautéed Brussel sprouts

Tofu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stir fry (no rice)

Asparagus (my fav)

Pinto beans

Zucchini 

Butternut squash 

I have also started excersising at least 30 mins a day! I take the stairs or park in the back of the parking lot!

Anything it's worth getting healthy!

Until we meet again-ASH 

Panic at the disco... Or anywhere

Recently a very brave and beautiful woman took a "selfie" of herself after she had a panic attack. She was trying to bring awareness to mental illness and I couldn't praise her bravery enough! But as I was reading the comments my mouth dropped! I was shocked and angry at the things people where saying about this brave lady. 

Fraud

Fake

Drama queen

Attention seeker

These word some of the words that really stuck out to me.

How could people be so jaded that they literally couldn't see the bravery in this woman because she was able to take a picture afterwards? 

Panic attack arent pretty but they aren't the same either. Like snowflakes no two panic attacks are the same. They may feel the same but they are completely different at the same time. Different triggers, different reactions. Equally as terrifying in the moment. 

MENTAL ILLNESS.....

A word Most people don't want to touch or talk about hell I was one of them. When most people hear the word mental illness they think blowing up bulidings and shooting up movie theaters ( im telling you what I use to think that word meant). People are not educated enough on it. 

Panic attacks....

I've touched on when mine started in a previous blog post but let me tell you what they FEEL like...

I feel like I can't breath. That I'm literally having a heart attack. My heart pounds so fast I can't catch my breath. I start to get light headed. My mind starts racing. I want to claw my way out of my own skin. I want to take off running. If Im somewhere I want to leave. I would do anything, ANYTHING to make them stop. But panic attacks aren't rational that's why they are so hard to stop.

I have gone to the ER many times positive I was going to die. Thankfully I'm able to talk myself down more now than I could when they first started. They are exhausting. That's the one people really don't understand not even my husband. It physically and mentally takes everything out of you. Most the time I have a horrible headache after and I have to go lay down. Most the time I'm in a constant state of panic. The panic attacks just aren't as bad at that moment. I'm always panicked about my fever. My breathing. What I'm touching what I'm eating. Am I going to die why driving. It never ends sometimes are just easier than others.

There are days when I don't want to deal with it anymore because it is exhausting. 

Irrational  

I have ran out of movie theaters, restaurants, churches, malls.

I have missed birthdays and other events. I missed my college graduation. I didn't drive a car for almost a year. I ate the same thing for months because of a fear of an allergic reaction. I thought my hair color was killing me.

I thought I was having a...

heart attack

Stroke

Blood clot

Allergic reaction

Seizure

Appendix bust.

Suicide...

Ever wonder why you sometimes hear they had a mental illness and commuted suicide. Unfortanley I can relate.

It's exhausting. Many times I wonder why this is happening to me?Why I can't have a normal life? Why can't I just drive the road with my children and not fear what will happen to us on the way there on when we get there. 

Your mind just never stops and sometimes that's all you want. To just make it stop. I don't call these people cowards as some do. I find that they didn't have a great support group. They felt the shame that we sometimes feel. The guilt. The anger. 

There are just not enough resources out there for people with mental illness. It's not discussed enough.

If we had more places to go to talk to someone anyone that didn't cost an arm and a leg where we didn't feel shame for how our brains work More awareness. LESS SHAME! I fully believe the suicide rate would be cut drastically!  There is nothing wrong with it. Listen to me when I say that again.... THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH IT!!! Acknowledge it. Talk to someone about it. Forget anyone who calls you a fake or fraud or an attention seeker. Because it is real. It's very real. That emotions those fears! Even if they aren't rational and no one around you understands. They are REAL. 

My panic attacks steam from where I do not want to die and leave my kids. But mostly I don't want to die and someone see me. Irrational. But very real to me. 

So the next time someone tells you they have a panic disorder or any mental illness do NOT shun these people. Love them! Support them! Try to see if there is anything you can do for them. You never know how much that could help just one person! 

Help.....

Councling I can't stress talking to someone enough. 

Breathing excersises. 

Get moving. Gym. Walking. Jogging.

Talk through the panic attack if you can. Figure out what triggers them. What is the cause of the panic? Is it rational. 99 percent of the time it's not.

Mostly you are loved! You are not weird or flawed. And you are not alone.

Until we meet again-ASH 

4/4/96

Today marks 20 years since I lost my mother.

That's 20 years since I last heard her tell me she loves me. 20 years since she last hugged me. 20 years since she last kissed my face. 20 years since I have heard her laugh. 20 years since I have heard her say my name. 20 years since I remember what it felt like for her to hold me. 

But in those 20 years I don't go a single day without thinking of her.

That's 20 years that she has missed....

My first day of high school

My first heartbreat

Prom.

Meeting my lifelong bestfriends.

Meeting the man of my dreams! 

My wedding.

My baby's births

Meeting my children.

I'll never know what kind of grandmother she would be. I'll never know what she thinks about choices I have made. I'll never know if I made her proud or not.

For others in her life... It hurt but their lives kept right on moving. On April 4,1996 mine stopped. It's never fully moved since that day. 

People tell you time heals everything... That's bullshit! It doesn't heal anything. You just get better at dealing with the pain. It stings a little less. Throbs less often. But it's still there. That hole she left behind is still there. It will always be there. 

When I see her in my children's faces. 

When I catch a whiff of her old perfume. When a song played at her funeral comes on the radio. Any Elvis song. Your violently reminded just how much that pain is still there. 

I go through so many emotions on this day. Sadness deep deep sadness. Then the anger sets in. 

I wish this day could be marked off the calendar but it can't. 

Today is a day I can't mark off the calendar so Loving on my babies is how I plan to spend this day. And remember how much I love her. 

Until we meet again-ASH