As I answered the phone with my usual hello my favorite daddy, there was silence on the other end but the sound was so loud. At that moment I knew something was wrong I just didn't know what. As my father choked back the tear filled words he said,"Eddie died this morning" I was stunned,shocked,angry,hurt. My Eddie was gone? My 54 year old God driven, beautifully singing, personal elvis sweetheart was dead.
See my dad works for the state. After my mom passed my dad was kinda lost for a few years.he never really had any friends. He worked three jobs when my mom was alive and never really had time for any. He lost his what he called his best friend which was his older brother one year before my mother. To say he had a hard few years was a huge understatement. My dad went through a huge depression and has openly admitted later on that he thought about suicide a lot that first year after my moms death cause he truly felt like he had lost it all. He never really talked, or communicated. It was work then home and in the bed. This was the year I stayed with my "step mother" because my dad was there but yet he wasn't.
Anyways He worked in a building downtown but a position opened up at a different location so they moved my dad out there and that's when he met angel Eddie as I liked to call him.
As soon as my dad met Eddie they immediately clicked. I honestly think it was because he looked a lot like my late uncle. Within the first year of my dad meeting Eddie it was like a light had grown inside him. He started talking more. Going to dinner with us more and then he started going to church after Eddie worked on him and spent a year preaching the word to my dad and in my eyes he truly saved my dads life. We have always considered him family. He was at my wedding and I always made sure to take baby Jack to see him at least once a month if not once every 2 weeks. He always called to check on my dad if he didn't show up for work and vice versa. He was just an increadable man. I don't think anyone could ever have a negative thing to say about him.
After the phone call I had to step away from my son and get my composure. I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I just don't understand death sometimes.
I was raised in the church. So I know that is just a temporary home and that our real home is in heaven for forever and ever but why do we have to experience death to get there? I'm no stranger to loss. I attended my first funeral at age 7 only to bury my own mother a year later.
I hate it. I can't stand it. I fear it. Why can't we just have our eternal life here with the ones we love without having to go through all the suffering? It's things like this that if I let it long enough will shake my faith. And I can't let that happen. Especially if Eddie knew this would shake my faith he would tell me "no ashley keep your eyes on Jesus". But it's hard when my heart hurts.
In the last two years I had to watch my bestfriend lose her unborn child. A child she wanted so bad. A child that would have been loved like no other but for what? Why? I also had to watch another lose her father. And had to watch him slip away slowly. Why do we have to go through these things?
I worry for my dad. He looked forward to going to work and talking with his bestfriend Eddie. Or going to lunch. Where does he go from here? My dad has lost so much that I wish I could wrap my arms around him and hold him till there's no more hurt. Loss is just one of those things that stays with you and changes you.
I pray to my father above to heal everyone in pain today. To help us understand why these things must happen. Why someone so deserving of life is now gone. Why we can't live here forever with no hurt.
When it's my turn to go,Jesus better be ready for the long list of questions I have for him. Lol.
Until then my heart hurts. I will listen to elvis and think of Eddie and our shared love for elvis,Jesus and my daddy.
Rest in sweet peace my little elvis impersonator. My life got a little bit dimmer today.
My own personal elvis has officially left the building.
